For 37 years of happy marriage, my husband Jack and I prioritised sex. 

We met when I was just 18 and throughout our twenties we were at it like rabbits. Having children slowed us down, of course, but when they got a bit older, we found our groove again.

Even after my sex drive took a nosedive thanks to the menopause, I eventually got my libido back in my early fifties and off we went again!

By then we were getting closer to retirement, so we had all the time in the world for sex. 

Until we didn't. 

In his mid-fifties, Jack was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, which caused erectile dysfunction. 

Even if he was able to 'function', his drive to have sex became almost non-existent because of how unwell he was.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, the final nail in the coffin of our sex life was a workplace accident in which Jack's foot was crushed by a beam.




A woman in her fifties whose husband was suffering with diabetes-related erectile dysfunction suggested that he allow her to have sex with a male escort (stock image posed by models) 

The injury was so severe, he was lucky he didn't lose his foot, or even his entire leg. At one stage, we were worried he'd never walk again.

Thankfully after six months of rehab in hospital, he was back on his feet. But after that, his ability to have sex was hampered significantly. 

Believe me, we tried. But even on the days he was sufficiently aroused, it was too difficult to get into a position that worked for both of us.

Most of the time, I'd be in the bedroom ready to go, and Jack would be on the couch, falling asleep in front of a movie. 

After so many years of intimacy, it was heartbreaking. I feared spending the rest of my life in a sexless marriage.

We did try sex toys for a while but I soon got bored. It just wasn't the same as my husband making love to me. 

viagra 100 mg sildenafil 30 tablet and Cialis, the two most popular erectile dysfunction drugs, were brought up as possible solutions. But I didn't want to force medication on him, especially when his impotence was only half the problem. 

Over time, I did start to think about other ways it might be possible to have my needs met. 



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After googling 'male escorts' I came across Her Confidant, an elite escort agency for women and couples only.

I felt a bit embarrassed even looking. Could I really have sex with a man who wasn't Jack? Could I really pay someone for sex?

I thought about it for a long time. After a while, I gently broached the subject with my husband.

To my surprise, he was all for it. 'I want you to take care of your needs,' he said. 

I knew he felt guilty he could no longer satisfy me - but I felt guilty at the thought of being with someone else!

Eventually, with some more encouragement from Jack, I reached out to the agency.

The founder, Anna Grosman, asked me what my preferences were: if I wanted a man with chest hair or not, someone short or tall. There were all sorts of questions. 

It was as easy as booking a doctor's appointment. But going through with it was another thing altogether!

My 'date' with Sam

When the day finally arrived, I was fraught with nerves. Four separate times, I picked up the phone to cancel - but Jack talked me round.

'This will be good for you. You need to do this - for us,' he told me.

Before my 'date', Jack helped me pick an outfit - a green dress I hadn't worn in years.

I didn't worry about wearing sexy lacy underwear - after all, I wasn't there to impress Sam. I was going there to be pleasured.

As well as feeling nervous about being with another man, something else was bothering me too. 

What if Jack got jealous?

We talked it through and, once again, he reassured me. 

Jack told me he simply viewed Sam like one of my sex toys rather than a man I was going to have sex with. 

'He's there to do a job,' Jack reasoned. 

With lipstick and perfume on, I was ready to go. Jack drove me to the hotel, we kissed goodbye, and I took a deep breath before walking inside.

Ping. I got a message. Sam was on his way to meet me for dinner first. Instantly my palms started to sweat and my heart began to pound a little faster.

When I finally saw Sam, I had no further thoughts of backing out - he was handsome, 6ft 2 and a great conversationalist over dinner.

When it was time to take things upstairs, my nerves had dissipated.

We sat on the bed and Sam asked me what I liked and what I didn't. 

He kissed me softly and slowly took off my clothes.

We tried different positions and the sex was incredible. He pleased me in all the ways my husband used to but no longer could.

When we both finished, he held my hand and gave me a massage. Honestly, the aftercare was my favourite part and my best memory of the experience.

Sam made sure I was taken care of in more ways than one.

When he left, my husband came to meet me at the hotel. 'Tell me everything,' he insisted. 

At first I got a little bit giggly, but soon I was telling him all about the sex, as well as the massage afterwards.  

'You really enjoyed yourself, didn't you?' Jack said. He was pleased to see me so happy.

Not only that, but he actually seemed a little turned on.

The next night, we went for a romantic break, just the two of us, and as we talked about it some more in bed, I noticed the bedsheets twitching.

Seconds later, Little Jack was standing to attention - with no drugs required!

We had full sex for the first time in years and both climaxed. Sam was worth the $2,000 and then some! 

To this day, only Jack and I know I slept with another man.

There's such a stigma around sexual pleasure, menopause and erectile dysfunction, which women don't talk about enough.

I want other women to know it's okay to have desires, to take care of your own needs and to step outside your comfort zone.

Name has been changed


As told to Carina Stathis